i’ve spent so much of my life trying to figure out what truly fits me. for a long time, i felt like i needed to choose one thing and commit to it forever. but in the past few months, i started seeing things differently. instead of fighting my natural fluidity, i began leaning into it.

with gemini ruling my 10th house, this shift has been deeply tied to public perception, curiosity, and adaptability. the 10th house represents how the world sees us, our career, and our legacy. embracing gemini energy—an energy i've resisted—has been a key part of me stepping into my center stage era. i realized that i don't have to fit into a single mold to be taken seriously. i can be all things, i can be EVERYTHING, and that's what i'm now allowing myself to be.

the shame of changing my mind

sometimes i wonder what my life would have been like if i had just stuck with something a long time ago. my mom gave me a lot of freedom growing up. i was still disciplined, but there was never a rigid structure of "go to school, get a job, make good money." instead, it was always follow your dreams, start a business, do what you love.

i’m eternally grateful for that, but with freedom comes responsibility that most people don’t consider. even down to religion—i didn’t grow up with a strict religious structure, so i battled with a lot. identity conflicts, morality conflicts. i explored everything. and that probably looked confusing to other people.

i explored different spiritual paths, trying to find something that resonated with me. at different points, i aligned with various belief systems, searching for meaning. but now? now, i’m what most of you may call a... witch..?

i always felt ashamed of growing. ashamed of changing my mind. as if it made me look unserious.

a life of trying things

i used to look around and see people who just knew what they wanted to be since they were five years old. for me, that thing was wanting to be a mother. that was my one constant. everything else? a trial-and-error journey.

i’ve always been a creative. i wrote songs, i painted. i went to an arts school for middle school, majoring in choir and dance. then i decided i wanted to go to a high school with sports instead, so i majored in it and coding.

i’ve always been good at tech. i used to code myspace layouts for fun as a kid. i was great at graphic design, e-commerce, and all things computer-related. but after high school, i wasn’t sure what to do. so i tried college. i changed my major three times—chemistry, biology, biomedical engineering. and i hated all of it. college was deeply traumatic for me, so i left and did the disney college program instead. that was the time of my life.

then i thought—maybe cosmetology school. i already did hair and makeup in college, so why not? i finished the program, got my license, and focused on makeup. i was posting online, trying to influence, but struggling to maintain clientele. i did bridal makeup, even worked with celebrities, but something still felt off.

i’d hear people say that it took them 7-10 years to really pop off in their career, and while i knew things took time, at this point, i didn’t love anything enough to stick to it for that long. it wasn’t a passion—it was just something i was good at. and if i was going to put all of this energy into something i didn’t even like, i might as well put the 10 years into something i actually enjoy. (which ultimately ended up being gift from neptune)

i bounced between side hustles—graphic design, branding, social media management, influencing, selling edibles. i saw the most success with edibles, but clearly, that wasn’t something i could do long-term. everything felt like a temporary means to an end.

the fear of looking unserious

i hated when people called me a “jack of all trades.” it made me feel sickly, rejected almost—like i was chaotic, super unserious, always gone with the wind, like i didn’t have any ambition. it made me feel like people saw me as unreliable. and that bothered me.

i don’t think i was legitimately pimping spirit, but i definitely felt like i was focused more on pushing, pushing, pushing—selling, selling, selling instead of embodying transformation and connection to god. when i kept facing resistance in finances, my store being down, having to ask my facebook followers for help—that showed me a lot. this shit wasn’t sustainable. but i could make money doing what i love. i just needed to tweak the how.

so i started revisiting my old creative outlets. i needed to find what actually made me happy. i needed to see where my curiosity was leading me.

connecting the dots

looking back, i see that everything i’ve ever done has contributed to who i am today.

• art, music, dance.

• brand strategy, social media management.

• graphic design, coding.

• makeup, styling, creative directing.

• science and spirituality.

my love for science has always informed my connection to god. to me, there is no conflict between logic and spirituality—they work in tandem. my ability to analyze and understand complex systems (science, tech, branding, coding) is the same ability that allows me to see patterns in astrology, spirituality, art, and life itself.

i’ve trained both sides of my brain to work together—creativity informs my logic, and logic informs my creativity. and both inform how i connect with god.

my resistance to this archetype was because i felt like it was a distraction. but it isn’t. it’s communicating with people in the way they understand—the same way i do with my various religious backgrounds. i can move in different rooms. i can connect with people on their level based on their language.

coming full circle: stepping into my center stage era

i always felt like no one listened to me or no one cared. so make them care. teach, speak, and write... but also create the art you need to make to get your point across.

this journey of understanding gemini, learning to embrace my own fluidity, and realizing that i am allowed to be everything has been a pivotal part of me stepping into my true star-power.

so now? i’m embracing my inner gemini.

i’m allowing myself to create freely, to be curious, to explore. because at the end of the day, all roads lead back to source.

and that’s all that matters.